Love Is Blind Read online

  Such pure, un-adulterated fear went through my entire being, one second I was lying head down on the bed and the next, I was shivering from top to toe and had clutched the receiver with my both hands. The person, whoever was on the other side, had suicidal tendencies. Before, I could think over, the words spilled from my mouth, “Bobby, don’t you dare. Keep the gun down.” “Only on one condition,” he spoke again, “If you promise to meet me, this time for sure. No more ignoring me, alright. We will meet and then will sort out all our grievances and differences, alright?” “Bobby,” I hesitated again, “Please, listen to me. I am not your Mita. I am…” “Excuses again? I told you not to play those tricks with me, love.” “Bobby, please…” “No,” he said, agitated, “Mita, I said. No. More. Excuses. You are coming tomorrow,” “Bobby listen,” I said, “How about I meet you on weekend? In this way, both of us will get more time to talk, what say?” he must have been thinking because, after a slight pause, I heard his voice again, “ Ok fine, but weekend, remember.” Saying that, with a click the line went silent.

  *******************************************

  After the phone call, it was next to impossible for me to go back to sleep. My mind, was fully awake till now, and still reeled on that last talk. What should I do? Should I call the cops, tell them about some suicidal maniac who is taking me as his beloved? Still, something about that voice had me in a hypnotised state, till now.

  If I tell Ruhi, she will get all tensed. What should I do? Where to go? Taken the time till weekend for I was not sure what to do? God, please help me. Who is this Bobby? Who is this Mita, after whom he is ready to give his life? He must had been deeply in love with this girl, my mind said. What is up with the world these days? Don’t people have anything else on their hand apart from falling in love? Suraj, who had lost his love once, was not ready to accept the reality.

  Then this Bobby, who was offended because the girl was not reciprocating his interest back. Who appeared some kind of psychic person to me. My mind felt like exploding. I should tell Ruhi, my heart said. Nobody among the sister’s should know about these calls, lest my outings will be curbed too! At least Ruhi will understand, trusting on the thought, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

  ***************************************************

  “…so this is the story.” I finished my tale, and took another sip from my drink. The weather was pleasant today. I felt it in the air. Classes, as usual, had ended on their usual time. Ruhi too is done with her teaching session for the day. So, both of us decided to take some time out of our professions. I had narrated every single detail of previous night and night before in Ruhi’s ear.

  She seemed shocked by my revelation because till the time I ended, I felt some negative vibes coming from her side, telling me this is so not a reaction I am looking forward to. “Ruhi,” I said, “Say something. What do you think, I should do?” “This person, what is his name, yes, Bobby,” she paused, as if giving a deep thought, “ Did he told you anything else regarding his life? Any other specific tale, some titbits’…?” “No,” I sighed, “I had even thought to end the call but, he warned me not to cut the line.” “Do one thing,” she clicked her fingers, “Simple enough, change your number. Don’t answer the call or put your phone to switch off.” “I should,” I shook my head, “But the point is, what if the person actually tried something stupid? What if he went forward with his plan and killed himself? I won’t be able to live with myself for the entire life, simply thinking on the fact that I could have saved someone’s life and I did not do so.” “You are getting worked up for no reason, Sonu.” She said, “He is a maniac, you got me. Someone psychic enough to end his life… Leave him, I say. Don’t waste your brain on a no-brainer.” “What you say is practicable enough, but…” I left the sentence on that.

  This was the problem. I feared the unknown. “Do you think I should go to meet him, I mean this weekend….?” As if I have set fire to dry grass! Ruhi prowled on me like a wild wolf, shaking me from top to toe.

  “Have you completely, utterly lost your mind, Sonam?” she said, “And here I thought, you were the most sensible person, out of two of us. Of course No, and if you even tried to do that then, I will inform the sister’s about this. Then you can kiss you freedom day’s goodbye. You do know that you are being considered for the sisterhood training, don’t you?” “I know,” I became all furious with her. Why was she acting like that? As if, I was a kindergarten kid, playing in the sandpit…Somehow, I could not shake the concern I had built up for this unknown caller!

  ******************************************

  My days are fine enough. I am busy in my classes, sometime even I have call from Suraj too who would invite me to his house, if he wanted someone to talk or simply, if he is getting bored.

  His “You should meet Kiran” talks always made me restless for some anonymous reason but I am careful enough not to show on his face. Once, when he has held my hands in his, a funny feeling in the lower part of my abdomen surfaced. It is a healthy friendship, I am sure but maybe I am reacting like this because nobody ever took my hand like this.

  I mean to say, a man never treated me like this. I wanted to do something for this person; I wanted him to come back to his present life and live to its fullest but was that possible? The person, who’s bearing so much hurt in his life, was it even possible to make him believe in himself, again? I have no answers to these questions but, one can always try.

  The night part was unbearable and troublesome. Bobby (Yes, even though Ruhi has advised me to change my number, I simply could not) has given me another of his weekend ultimatum’s because I have not gone to meet him in the previous one.

  I feel a connection to him, but why? My life, if you ask me, is a mess which has no solution, for the time being. Suraj or Bobby, Oh God, these two names are topmost these days on my set of problems. I wanted to help them both, but the million dollar question is, how? Like this, eight weeks flew by me.

  But in these weeks, the connection, the bond of trust which has originated between me and Bobby is much higher and deeper than what I shared with Suraj. Bobby has calmed down. The pretence of being Mita, which is being played by me, has somewhat relieved him from the mental trauma he has been experiencing previously. He is much cheerful, joyful then the first time.

  My meetings with Suraj have gone to minimal but I am not upset by the fact. But you know what, if even for one night, I did not hear Bobby’s voice, I started getting restless. He also must be knowing about this thing because one day, when he asked me this, “Mita, tell me truly, will we ever meet, because the way you have evaded our meeting not one, but two times! I don’t think, we will ever come face to face. Do you remember the time when we first met each other, in Rahul’s party?” of course, I had no idea who this Rahul is but, as usual, I played along, “Yes, I do.” And with this came the greatest problem. Presumably, Bobby and Mita have seen each other. Of course, that’s how the affair must have begun, isn’t it? I could just feign my voice, pretend to be Mita but, in no way, can I appear right in front of him.

  He knows Mita by face. And me! I am not Mita and cherry on the top, I am blind! How will I identify him and not some duplicitous person? How will he identify me? Of course, he will never even look at me. One month passed in this grave confusion swirling in my mind. Finally, one day, when I had enough of this façade, I managed to tell Bobby regarding our first meeting. “Bobby, how about I meet you this Saturday? Cliff point?” silence spread for a minute. “Fine, but love, I had been to your home today. Have you shifted your location?” of course, I thought, he must be knowing the residence of the girl too. “Yes,” I said, “I have but I will tell you about it when we’ll meet, ok?” “Ok, I will be wearing a red rose in my pocket, so be on time. Bye. Love you” he said, “Fine. Bye. I love you too, Bobby.”

  This was a sorry state of the whole matter. Without knowing when, I had fallen for this maniac caller, who, even if he reaches the spot, will never b
e able to recognize me. He will keep on searching for his real Mita!

  *****************************************

  It is hard to lie, but lie I must, as I asked some help from Suraj to drop me to cliff point. “What for?” some amusement could be heard in his voice. “I am meeting a friend of mine,” I replied, while praying he won’t detect the shakiness evident in my voice. The greatest sin, I am going out at the evening prayer’s time! Without questioning further, he made me seated inside the car. “Who is he? Your boyfriend?” I heard him smiling. Heated to my neck, I nodded, “Someone like that?” “Wow,” he whistled. Thus, our discussion ended.

  *****************************************

  “Sit here,” he led me to a sitting point, adding more to his suggestion, “And don’t leave the place till I come back. I am in the park only. I’ll be back in one hour, alright. All the best.” Patting my shoulder, he left me. O Christ let the person come quickly!

  ******************************************

  Time passed! How much I have no idea because I was sitting on the bench. Bobby must be thinking, I will come and search for him. Certain tightness occurred in my throat because of those unshed tears. How will I search for him? Should I tell him about my reality? But what if, like every time, he didn’t trusted me on my words? For the first time, I experienced such a rage inside me on my helpless condition.

  Suraj says he will be back in one hour. I hope Bobby comes earlier. I was just thinking about him when, out of nowhere, my ringtone rang again. Even for a minute thing like making a call or attending it, I have to be dependent on others. Boiled to my core, I thought. Enough, I am going to get my eyes operated, whether I live or die in the process, I don’t care. Moreover, without eyes, I am in a state of half-death already. Holding the phone near to my ear, I asked, “Bobby, is this you?” “Of course, this is me, love” he answered in a crispy voice. “I am in cliff point but, where are you? I can’t find you anywhere. I told you, I will be with a rose.”

  My heart beat, out of its own accord, went one notch higher. My heart cried and cool moisture trickled down my cheeks. I said, “Bobby, I am in cliff point too. I am sitting on a bench. Please, can you come here?” “I can but, which bench?” Like a total failure, I sobbed as I said, “I don’t know which bench but, somewhere near a rose bush.” “Don’t play these games of hide and seek with me, love. His irritation went through the line as he asked me, “You are telling the milestones like a blind person. We have met before Mita. You can recognize my face, can’t you? Look around and I will come to you.” “Please Bob,” I pleaded, “My legs are not well right now. So, I want you to search me. Can you? Please,” disconnecting the line, I sobbed with my face between my palms. O God, how can you be so cruel to me?

  **************************************

  Inside Suraj’s car, taking on all the incidents which have taken place today, my mind said, How? How did this thing happen? I know that Bobby will never be able to search for me. I am not Mita, even if he has passed by me, then too he must not have taken any notice of me.

  He must have taken me as some normal girl out for an outing. I am destined to be alone. Is this how world runs over the weak ones? Does every handicapped feels crushed at the end of the day? Of course, I never met him today.

  I know it is not even his fault, that this is simply karma plotting against both of us. Surprisingly as it is, Suraj, who was lively some hours ago is also very quiet right now. When asked he replied that his head is aching. “Shall I sing a song for you?” I asked, in order to cheer him up.

  I heard him smiling as he said, “Let me sing a song for you. I see you in a gloomy mood. I think, it will lighten it up, what say?” I smirked slightly as I told him, “Go ahead,” And just like that, a soft melodious song, which sang of a lover’s heart and his beloved, broke out on his lips. My eyelids went heavy. Sighing, I closed them so I can take his soulful voice in my head. It is so relaxing, a healing balm on my lacerated heart. I have even requested him to get me a new simcard if he can. I won’t be able to talk to Bobby again. I mean what’s the use now, after so much has happened? He will again decide some new place. I will be there but he won’t recognise me, what then?

  “Suraj,” I said while my eyes were still closed, “Love hurts, isn’t it?” “Yes, sometimes it does…” a hidden meaning behind his statement but I could not guess. Not even going there, I continued, “Kiran’s death must have devastated you to the core, isn’t it? I understand. Totally.”

  With a screeching sound, the car came to a screeching halt all of a sudden. I realised my slip of the tongue. Shit! My eyes flew open. My breath got hitched in my throat and I waited for his violent reaction. “Kiran is not dead, Sonam. So what if she is out of station? My dad is telling lies to everyone and I don’t understand why people believe him? You listen to me. Kiran is not dead.” He literally shouted the last sentence on me. “Ok,” I raised my hand, in order to stop him, “Kiran is not dead. I accept it.” I am so not in mood for another of his I-Love-Her tantrum. I am hurt already without his making it any worse.

  *************************************************

  My new sim has arrived and Ruhi has promised me that she will change the setting of the phone. Seems my mind is sprinting at hundred degrees. Sister Catherine delivered the news to me that letter from Shimla has arrived, hereby a call for me to change my residence to convent present there.

  I could just tell from the delighted note ringing in her tone that she is happy for me. I smiled for her sake but internally, the havoc this news is creating on my emotions was something which had completely thrown me out of balance. In some days, who knows what will happen to Bobby.

  Will he ever meet real Mita? If yes, then what will happen when he will come to know that she never took his calls in the first place? Will he ever wonder on the person who acted Mita in all these times? So many questions with no answers! I was still lost in my gloomy thoughts, when my phone went on its usual ringtone.

  One last time, without fooling myself further I took the phone up. “Hi,” I said huskily, “Hi love, how are you?” “I am fine and wish the same for you. Once again, we could not meet, ha?” he chuckled lightly. Helplessly, I could sense no answer to that question. “Hey,” he spoke up, “It doesn’t matter, alright. Maybe some other day? How about I sing a song for you? To cheer you up…” I chuckled this time and said, “Ok,” but no sooner he started singing the song, and my whole world came crashing around me. I have heard this song previously and the singer… Suraj! Is this it? Are Bobby and Suraj one and the same person? And Mita…is she Kiran? I never heard the whole song completely as all the conversation from the past, were dancing in my memory. All the talk’s of Suraj regarding Kiran, all the time when he said that he still talked to her and when I had assumed that he must be talking about his dreams because Kiran is dead, isn’t she?

  Then about our meeting thing…yesterday when Suraj was with me… As if the puzzle dots in my mind joined to each other thus making the picture clearer in my head. Bobby is, presumably, Suraj’s nickname and Mita is Kiran! The day when that call came at night was the time when he had tried to commit suicide second time. But the question is how did he get my number? A large gaping hole had been opened in my chest. I was doomed. Bobby will never meet his Mita because she did not even exist in this world.

  ***************************************

  The final damage occurred on the day when, accidentally, I blurted out everything to Ruhi and she, instead of helping me, went ahead with her intuitions and told everything to Suraj!

  I still remember those talks, that final meeting, which I feared from so many days. Seated in a restaurant, using my identity as Mita, Ruhi made a call to Suraj and asked him to reach the place as soon as he can. I still remember her words, when she said, “Suraj, Ruhi here, I am sitting right now with your Mita…Kiran. Please come fast. It took me so long to finally convince her to meet you today.” I myself got convinced of her words as she
spoke into the receiver. Then, Suraj came, sounding out of breath and excited, as he asked, “Hi Ruhi, Hi Sonam so, where is she?” Ruhi has done the very thing I have told her not to. There was a slight smile in her voice when she said, “Can’t you see for yourself? She is sitting right in front of you, fool. Sonam is your Mita, who has been attending your calls at night, from such a long time, Bobby.” Suraj’s reaction was not what we both had hoped. Laughing his guts out, he said, “Come on you two, stop jesting and tell me where is Kiran?” The hole in my chest spread far and wide at his words. I knew this will happen. Suraj will never consider me what I have, unconsciously taken him as. Of course, who will waste their life with a blind girl? Tears pricked my eye corners but I controlled somehow. Then, before I can think anymore on that gloomy line, a crash sounded as a palm made a hard contact with a cheek! “Ruhi,” I said, insinuating enough fear in my wobbly voice, “Did you just hit him?” “The hell I did,” such rage reflected in her voice; it shook me to my toes! “Suraj Verma, do you even realize in which hellhole you have forced yourself into? No, you don’t. Kiran is long dead, she is not alive. It is Sonam from such a long time, who has kept you on the verge of sanity. Have it not been for her, you would had gone ahead with you third suicide plans. She went crazy, scared to her core when she listened to some strange person talking about taking his own life. Bobby, one anonymous caller, who changed the black and white world of this one blind girl, gave her some hope to live again. She fell for you stupid. Can you just realise the trauma she went through? You only see yourself and you’re so called, Mita. Come out of your trance state and see the life as it is. You have a long life ahead of you, why are you wasting it? Sonam is your Ms. Right, Suraj. Can’t you see that? Who talks to a stranger when they have no connection to him? Sonam is a gem of a person, Bobby. Accept her or you will regret your actions whole life long. Don’t throw away the chance to fall in love when life is giving you one more reason to live for. Please,” she started crying till the time she concluded. Silence was all I could hear, when footsteps on the cemented path made me aware of Suraj’s departure. As usual, he is hurt and there is no solution to both of our problem. His rejection washed over me. His departure without saying anything said everything. Drying my cheeks with the back of my hand, I smiled and cleared my throat, “Ruhi, let’s go back, shall we? Sister will be waiting for us. Soon, my train will leave for Shimla. Forget all that has happened today.” “Why did you stop me from telling him that little detail, Sonu? He has the right to know, don’t you think? True, he is in shock for the moment but he will recover soon, I am sure of it. Please, give him and yourself another chance. Don’t do this. Don’t go”